"West Ham are scrapping for points" said the nice man from ESPN Soccernet. I really must get myself a new Oxford Dictionary; mine seems to be out of date. Either that or there is some new definition of 'scrapping' that I hadn't previously come across.

This was a totally inept performance that was nicely summed out by ex-Hammer Benayoun's opener, a nicely guided ball into the bottom corner via Yossi's stomach. What a sickener for Carlton Cole and his fellow forwards. They are struggling to steer the ball in via head, feet, knees or shins yet Liverpool players can volley home with a touch of belly!

What was even more annoying was that, on a ground where West Ham haven't won since a young Geoff Hurst struck home and the referee's top hat fell off in the excitement, this seemed a good opportunity to try and take the game to a frail looking Liverpool side. With Torres out injured - good job too as he probably could have single-handedly cut the Hammer's superior goal difference over Hull and Burnley - West Ham should have seized some sort of initiative and at least made the home side battle. As it was, in a dull opening exchange, both sides seemed content to tap the ball sideways and see what happened. With the home crowd virtually silent - you could hear the shouts of the players even on TV - surely Zola could have injected some life into his 'scrapping' side?

But no, instead after almost 20 minutes of inactivity, Liverpool won a free-kick which Gerrard took to totally leave the West Ham defence flat-footed enabling Benayoun to belly in. Kyrgiakos should have made it 2-0 shortly after but his unmarked shot from another Gerrard cross bounced down and over the bar. Just in case, West Ham thought that was a signal for a reprieve though, their relief was shown to be short-lived when Ngog shot smartly home soon after when yet another cross puzzled the frail Hammers defence. So afraid of the cross are they, it makes me wonder if the West Ham defence are somehow related to Dracula - although I would expect Christopher Lee would pose more of an obstruction to Liverpool's rampaging forwards than Upson and Da Costa. I could drag the humour even further into the gutter by citing 'nightmare' and 'Spector' but really it's now getting all too painful and I'm not sure it's worth the effort.

Liverpool had three good shouts for a penalty which I'll admit I would have been screaming about had West Ham actually managed to get into Liverpool's penalty area, but the home side didn't even seem to be bothered to appeal, so secure was their performance.

A big red cherry was placed on top of this most dismal of awaydays in the 59th minute when another Gerrard cross - when is this man going to stop tormenting us? - found Kyrgiakos whose shot bounced back from the post and rolled along the penalty area until it found Rob Green's leg which happily diverted it into the goal for an 'own'. Oh, how we laughed!

Around the rest of the evening were a series of Liverpool shots, Liverpool posession and Liverpool passing. Honestly, a string of claret and blue washing on a line could have made a better fist of this evening than this shower of human waste.

The final score was probably kinder than it could have been and enabled that nice Mr Benitez to give all his players a bit of a rest before Thursday's Euro Cup semi-final. I'm sure he thanked Gianfranco after the game. Quite what the watching Wigan boss made of this performance it will be interesting to discover. Perhaps West Ham are trying to lure them into a false sense of security? If so, it was job done!

Hopeless!