In one of Sunday's newspapers, Piers Morgan - no I don't understand it either - wrote a pithy two-sentence 20-point prediction article that included most team's prospects for the season. The Hammers were given begrudging respect in an interesting analysis: 'West Ham won't win anything but they will be the most entertaining team to watch. Gianfranco Zola has brought class and flair to the Hammers'. Your reaction to that assessment will probably say a lot about your love affair - or lack of passion - of the 21st Century football factory and the Barclays' Premier League.
'Won't win anything'? Well, what is there to win? Unless UEFA, along with the National Lottery, have decided that the maxim 'you need to be in it to win it' no longer applies, then a European title isn't available and the Premiership itself is out of the question and probably has been since Bobby Moore moved to Craven Cottage or, at least, when Tony Cottee and Frank McAvennie stopped competing to score the best goal in a game. Best odds of 500/1 (I've seen some of 1500/1)- and a lot of us have to swallow something jagged when we read that - indicate that there is only a slightly greater possibility of us dancing in the streets of Upton Park next May than there is for us to get served a 'Shergar Burger' by Elvis Presley down at the Kursaal on Sunday**.
2008 showed the FA Cup isn't just the preserve of the top six and we always have 2006 to cling too, so that's a possibility if the top players from Chelsea. Manchester and Liverpool start fretting about next summer's World Cup or the 'balls committee' pulls out some draw that ensures no top five club survives past round six but, other than that, it's the Carling Cup and, long overdue though a win is, it's never been a competition we have taken too kindly to. Nevertheless, if we want some silverware a strong tilt at the Carling would seem to be West Ham's best option.
But there is another way of looking at this; 'the most entertaining team to watch'? It may not be what a lot of us want to read - after all, West Ham have had their epithet to carry with them for many decades and it's been a millstone for many of them - but, when all other possibilities are exhausted perhaps it's the one we should all really be grateful for. After all, it costs a lot of money to watch football now, so why shouldn't be royally entertained by players, many of whom are local, have come up through the ranks and who we can relate too in some small way, and go home satisfied after a good game? In fact, if we want another Moore or Cottee along the way then, make no mistake, that is the only way we are going to get it; a brave manager not afraid to give youth its chance, coaching the right way and encouraging play in the manner in which the Manager himself graced the pitch. If, along the way, we can throw in a bit of professionalism and a hard reality that sometimes you need to tough things out to get a result (something Bobby Moore always complained to Ron Greenwood about) then should we be asking for anything else? In many ways, what Piers Morgan is predicting is nothing more or less than what we have usually demanded and expected from West Ham anyway.
Of course, tradition demands I run through the squad and highlight the weaknesses and strengths and I'd have to say, compared to some seasons in recent memory, it really isn't a particularly onerous task. Transfer window notwithstanding, we can pretty much expect to see the current England goalkeeper and centre-half in defence, in fact, had Lucas Neill not jumped ship for reasons unknown - he's still not currently found a club so surely his fortunes would be better be served by playing in a top ten Premier League club? - we could have looked at almost the same strong defensive unit as last season. Securing the permanent services of Ilunga at left-back can only help the cause - particularly if he plays as well this season as he did last - and the return from injury of Gabbidon can only help the squad strength; James Tomkins can only get better and, barring major injuries and provided a right-back can be found either within the squad or without, this defence looks as good as anything outside of the top six.
In midfield, West Ham's major close signing coup (humour intended) was announced by the arrival of Chile's Luis Jiminez on a season-long loan; assuming the South American can settle in and adapt to the conditions in England, this could be a signing to rate up there with the acquisition of Paolo di Canio. The Hammers are also served by the second season of several highly rated youngsters who made their debuts last and look more than capable of adding to the strength of the squad, Junior Stanislas and, particularly, Jack Collison were two of the major highlights of 2008/09, the latter giving the type of performances last seen when Rio Ferdinand and Frank Jnr. made their debuts, in that it is easy to see the talent available and difficult to envisage how that talent is not going to get so much better as time goes on. Add Behrami and Parker returning from injury - their loss late last season contributed to the Hammer's eventually missing out on the European slot - and if Keiron Dyer can remain fit (please, no laughing at the back there!) then, again, it is hard to see why this unit can't compete with the best. There's probably some concern about a lack of width but the fact is that a club like West Ham can't cover for every eventualities and, unless something drastic happens and we become the plaything of a Russian oligarch or an Oil soaked Arabian prince then shortcomings like this will have to be endured.
It is up front though, that West Ham may struggle unless strengthened by the time the transfer window closes. Craig Bellamy was never adequately replaced in January and the reported fees of his 'replacement' Savio, looked to have been sadly misspent. I trust Zola and Clarke implicitly and assume there is much more to come from the young German; I know he is young and the transition to England is bound to unsettle but he is listed on the club pages as a striker and we really need to start seeing some goals otherwise the fans are going to start asking some serious questions. I still question the decision to replace a proven Premier striker with a player 'for the future' and, if Savio isn't yet 'ready' then I fear for where the goals will come from.
Carlton Cole has been a revelation since the forward line was thrust upon him because of injuries elsewhere, and it's great to see his hard work rewarded with an England place but Cole isn't a goal poacher and he desperately needs support along side him. Did someone mention Dean Ashton? Well, certainly, if fit (I told you once - stop sniggering or you'll be held back after school!) then we have more than just an answer but, just conceivably, England's front pairing too. Common sense dictates though that injuries are a given and this forward line may struggle to score consistently enough to worry anyone above 7th or 8th in the division.
Worries over squad strength and individual shortcomings fade though, when you look at the overall management of the club (and how many seasons have I longed to say that?). Zola and Clarke are two seasoned professionals who know what they want and appear to understand how to get it; Gianfranco himself is a sizeable asset to the club as it has already been demonstrated how his legacy is able to attract players who may normally have gone elsewhere. The beautiful irony here is that it was this very asset that Chelsea, then a scuffling has-been unit, used to first attract Ruud Gullit and started the club on the long climb up that bought them players like Zola and, eventually, attraction from one of the world's richest men.
Although transfer windows will always be a worry for West Ham with the assurance that one of the Champions League bound mob will come sniffing around our prospects with a large cheque book, there is now an offset scenario that means that a Jiminez might be tempted to work with Zola or a prospect like Frank Nouble will only be too happy to sign for a club where his talent will be nurtured and encouraged. Long term - Daily Mail headlines, Icelandic bankruptcy and general pessimism notwithstanding - things look better than they have done for some considerable time. Hell, I've even started warming to CEO Scott Duxbury who appears to be talking sense and, unusually for West Ham, the truth for once (Don't let me down will you, Mr Duxbury?).
So, I'm not predicting big things - I've even advised cash strapped student Blagg Jnr. not to gamble on finishing above Spurs this year - but I am expecting a steady improvement of aspects for the club as a whole and I'm not at all upset that Amanda Holden's right-hand man is damning with faint praise, in fact I'd go so far as suggesting the praise isn't even that faint. I'd settle for some good football, some excitement and the sight of the little grinning Italian for another season and see where it takes us. Who knows, it might even be somewhere worth going?
(** Soccernet inform me we may have a huge influx of readers this season due to ESPN obtaining Premier League rights for live TV matches, so those of you who can't identify with the Essex and East London area may need the services of the hastily written Blagg's 'Guide to the Hotspots and Lowlife'. Or ask me and I'll try and explain...)