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Hi lads, how's it going for you all? There's plenty to talk about after a massive week of action, so I thought I'd do a second blog this week. I know you guys love to hear from me, so I have to keep my adoring public happy!
I've got to tell you, I was as excited by the Champions League semi-finals this week as anyone. In that respect, I guess I am just like you guys. The big matches on TV turn me from a top Premier League star into just your average football fan.
I suppose the only difference is that you get to go down the pub and watch the game with your mates and a few pints. There's no way Pharrell Bell could do that. I'd get mobbed, cause some sort of riot. No-one would be able to concentrate on the game.
So while you lucky lads were squeezed around a table in your local boozer, pushing and shoving as you try to get a decent look at the tiny portable TV in the corner, Pharrell Bell was stuck at home on his own, watching the game on his 64inch plasma with surround-sound.
The picture quality was incredible, the sound from the 16 speakers absolutely crystal-clear, my leather recliner was warm and comfortable and there was no horrible stench coming from a nearby toilet - but I know where I'd prefer to have been.
Tuesday's match was definitely a bit of an anti-climax, thanks to Man United's early blitz, but Wednesday's game blew me away. I have some experience of playing in Europe (I was on the bench for two UEFA Cup qualifying matches when I was at Middlesbrough) so I know exactly how buzzing the Chelsea boys must have been feeling.
To go out like that must have been truly gutting. Four nailed-on penalty shouts turned down and then done by an injury-time screamer. And I tell you what, I've got every sympathy for Didier Drogba's rant at that bald Norwegian referee, because he had an absolute shocker.
Who exactly is Tom Henning Ovrebo anyway? I've never heard of him. He sounds like an American cookie. Should have been dunked in milk a long time ago, if you ask me.
There's nothing worse than a bad referee, and old Norwegian baldy-biscuit deserves all the stick he has been getting from the Chelsea boys and in the British newspapers. He has basically ruined another all-English Champions League final, and it's not on.
It's making me angry, just thinking about it - and I wasn't even playing. I can't stand referees, I honestly can't. There isn't one in the Premier League that I get on with. I'll probably get bollocked by the FA for saying this, but I basically hate them all.
The FA brought in this new "RESPECT" campaign at the start of the season, trying to get us Premier League stars to give the refs a bit of a break after a few of them started moaning that we weren't listening to them or that we were giving them too much grief during a match.
But the referees and FA have got to understand - it's impossible for us to even consider giving any respect to some fat, balding, middle-aged former schoolteacher who only got into refereeing in the first place because he was so crap at football as a kid.
Tell me, how is Pharrell Bell really supposed to respect such a loser? It wouldn't feel right to me, and I don't think it would send out the right message to my young fans.
Rappers who have risen from the ghetto to make platinum-selling albums; hip-hop artists with multi-million-dollar mansions and their own clothing labels; Italian-American film-stars; celebrity chefs: these are the sorts of guys I can show some respect for.
Not some 50-year-old, Volvo-driving former estate agent from Cambridgeshire.
It wouldn't be so bad if these guys had actually played football to a decent standard, but most of them don't really know what the pro game is about.
Sure, a crafty kick to the back of the knee has no place in a kickabout in the park on a Sunday morning. But in the pro game, it's a valid and necessary tactic - that's what these guys just don't understand.
There should definitely be more former professionals refereeing the top matches, that would solve the problem straight away. You know, if Roy Keane had become a referee instead of a manager, I bet he'd get respect from the players.
I guess the trouble is, a top player like me just has no interest in becoming a referee after they retire. Why should I? What have I got to gain? There's no money in it, and no glory either.
But something has to be done soon, because I am fast running out of patience (and disciplinary points) for this to continue to much longer.
Until next time, respect.
Comments
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Posted by sudaksh frm Ireland on 05/08/2009
pharell.... chelsea had some bad decissions against them.. but so did Barca... and it wasnt 4 penalties.. it was 2...stop exaggerating... and the red card on Abidal was absolute bull too... .. and if u missed the 1st leg.. then it was a penalty that barca dint get for foul on henry too...
The referee was a division 4 referee i agree and spoiled the match for a lot of people.. but still.. Barca deserve to go thru as much as chelsea would have deserved to go through if they had won....
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Posted by Tim on 05/08/2009
What a brilliant article compared to some stupid articles from goal.com. The problem with those people is that they haven't even play any professional football games in their lives. I totally agree your analysis.
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Posted by Alex on 05/08/2009
Can you really imagine Keane wandering around referring a game?
OI, BRING THE BALL BACK YOU STUPID GIT
COME HERE AND TAKE THE FREE KICK AGAIN BEFORE I KNEECAP YOU
The entire respect campaign would be scrapped and replaced with civil war. On the bright side though, at least no team would be stupid enough to surround the Roy K.
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Posted by IHeartRedcastle on 05/08/2009
I gotta disagree with you, Pharrell. All four of the referee's non-calls were right. The first "penalty" was committed outside the box; the second was a shirt-pull for which Thierry Henry was not awarded a penalty in the first leg, so the ref's refusal to give one to Drogba was consistent, and neither of the two handballs was intentional. Pique's hand was up before the shot and the ball collided with it, and Eto'o wasn't even facing the ball when it hit the back of his shoulder. By contrast, the referee's worst call was dismissing Abidal for a "foul" on Anelka, who he was nowhere near. The referee was terrible, alright, but only from Barcelona's point of view. Otherwise, good stuff Pharrell, I respect your opinion even if this is a rare occasion when you are wrong :)
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Posted by crackloosemad on 05/08/2009
*There's nothing worse than a bad referee*
Yes, there is.. Your top striker missing sitters which even Geoffrey Boycott's Mom-in-law would have scored...
:P
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Posted by Caleb on 05/08/2009
Hmm...another Soccernet article biased for the English...What else is new? What's really funny though, is the amount of people who still believe in "Pharrell Bell". It's getting a little obvious that the boy is some figment of the writing staff's imagination. If you're going to do something like this, why not get a REAL footballer or at least a conglomerate of stories to tell when you're going to do something like this. The author has got a whole lot of innocent people licking the palm of his hand for more, while if they knew, they'd immediately stop reading the blog.
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Posted by Jarc on 05/08/2009
Actually, it was 4. The free kick that Malouda got from Dani Alves was obviously in the box, not from the spot that Drogba took it from. Then, another time in the first half, either Abidal or Yaya, I can't remember which, took Drogba down in the box, when there was clearly no contact with the ball. And fine, Abidal should not have been sent off, but that further makes Ovrebo look like a moron.
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Posted by chuck on 05/08/2009
if fifa would put one more ref on the pitch it would help. the pitch is just to big for one ref to see the whole play. better calls would help clean up the flopping and fake injuries and lead to a better game. until this happens, bad calls will dominate big games forever.
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Posted by Mateo on 05/08/2009
No sympathy for Chelsea. Even Hiddink admitted that had they put away the chances they had, we wouldn't be talking about the possible penalties now - just like the penalty on Henry in game 1 and Abidal's red card have been reduced to anecdotes for Barca. And as a (albeit amateur ;)) striker myself, I bet that the real person that Drogba is most furious with is... himself. He could not have asked for any more clear opportunities than the 2 he was presented with in both games. First, Marquez gifted him a dream of a breakaway, where Drogba was stopped twice one-on-one by Valdes and then, with Pique down and out, Drogba once again failed score with "only" the keeper to beat. Last year, Man U beat Barca 1:0 over 2 games. When Barca won the cup in 2006, they beat AC Milan 1:0 over 2 legs. I'm sorry, if you get 2 golden one-on-ones at this level and you fail on both, it is almost tactless to complain about the smaller stuff. Chelsea couldn't beat 10 men at home, end of story.
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Posted by Soccerao on 05/08/2009
Phoney or for real, Pharell Bell's blog makes great reading. I for one sure do look forward to the blog week in and week out.
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Posted by Justin on 05/08/2009
"Hmm...another Soccernet article biased for the English...What else is new? What's really funny though, is the amount of people who still believe in "Pharrell Bell". It's getting a little obvious that the boy is some figment of the writing staff's imagination."
Well done Caleb. How long did it take you to figure that one out? You are a special one I bet.
The blog and Pharell Bell is all about laughs and jokes. So all you idiots with no sense of humor that bitch and complain about the articles by Mr. Bell I have a simple solution to your problem. DON'T READ IT YOU TWATS!!
As for Mr. Bell keep up the good work son! Keep me smiling mate..
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Posted by Heron on 05/08/2009
The blog's funny. It does sound like an arrogant superstar.
Let's hope the CL final has nothing much in refereeing incidents. Just football.
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Posted by MTBill on 05/08/2009
Actually, Jarc, I have to agree with IHeartRedcastle - all of the calls were defensible. The contact on Malouda was initiated outside the box - that defines the point of the "foul". Of course - Malouda could have been carded for the dive!
One of the (many) things that makes soccer great is the flow defined by the paucity of referees. But the referees won't matter if you convert your chances - Chelsea didn't. Heckuvagame!
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Posted by chris on 05/08/2009
"Phoney or for real, Pharell Bell's blog makes great reading. I for one sure do look forward to the blog week in and week out."
I vote phoney on this comment, let alone the "writer"
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Posted by Don on 05/08/2009
Brilliant stuff, Pharrell! Love the times you write in the third person. Can't blame you a bit for running out of patience with the refs while you run out of disciplinary points. And the idea of Roy Keane as a ref - outstanding - let's get Joey Barton with a whistle, too, so he can show what a real foul looks like.
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Posted by DT on 05/08/2009
As for that "Respect" campaign .. give me a break. How about UEFA showing "Respect" for the beautiful game and assigning competent referees to officiate CHAMPIONS LEAGUE SEMI-FINALS! And when referees clearly do not do their job, show "Respect" to the players, managers & fans by admitting it & reprimanding the referee. We fans give our hard-earned time & money to see good fair matches, no matter who we support. UEFA has NO "Respect"!
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Posted by The Devils in Rome... on 05/08/2009
hey Pharell, even though we all know we can't see u playing on the pitch every week, this is one great place! and though i dont agree with ur reasoning, yes the ref is shit and keep this on, this is a masterpiece from soccernet! till the day i see u play on weekends, keep writing!
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Posted by Jack on 05/08/2009
"It's getting a little obvious that the boy is some figment of the writing staff's imagination."
No, really.. you think? I don't mean to upset anyone who still hasn't gotten it by now, but I thought it was blatantly obvious to begin with that the whole Pharrell Ball blog was just a bit of fun.
It's meant to poke fun at how footballers, fans, etc view football, and often parodies general opinion about the latest news in football. (C'mon, that stuff about his European experience comprising some time on the bench for a UEFA Cup qualifier?! Does that strike you as someone who's being serious?)
It's all just a bit of silliness, and I personally think it's a great read as well. Certainly much better than all the silly arguments and insults being traded amongst fans on the other articles.
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Posted by Pharrell Phan on 05/08/2009
You tell it damn straight as usual Pharrell! Some fat tosser trying to tell real footballers how to play the game. Who do these people think they are? You want players to respect the refs, you gotta get people who they respect! It just makes sense!That's why they should recruit refs from rap stars and hip-hop artists and those American film stars. No way Jay-Z woulda miss that penalty call.
Hey, I remember that UEFA qualifying game, when you got up from the bench and started warming up, we all thought you'd be coming on. Too bad the gaffer brought on Southgate instead as the last sub. Oh well.
Anyway, I'm in London next weekend, maybe we can hit the clubs and look for some "birdies" Lemme know
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Posted by James on 05/08/2009
I was with you until you started talking about how great it would be if the game were refereed by guys like Roy Keane. If this were the case, every team would be made of 11 Vinnie Joneses; maybe some of you think this would be awesome (I admit it would be entertaining, in the same way that some people find WWE entertaining) but I disagree. There would be no Cruyff, Maradona, Ronaldinho, Ronaldo, or Messi, no attacking creativity, because the players who dared try would be crippled by a "valid and necessary" kick to the knees. Again, this may sound good to some of you, probably because England might have a chance against countries like Brazil, Argentina, Spain, the 15 other countries who did qualify for Euro 2008 ... who are all miles ahead of you.
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Posted by Blaz on 05/09/2009
Guys, Abidal himself admited it was a red card. Anelka did trip himself, but it was contact from Abidal that caused him to do so. Abidal said in an interview that the card was deserved but he was happy to sacrifice himself for his teams progress.
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Posted by John on 05/09/2009
It seems that stupidity reaches new heights in the comments column every other week. If only people would pull their head out of their ass and actually read between the lines or even read others' comments, they'll realise that they're a bunch of morons whose critical thinking faculties are as developed as a rock's.
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Posted by Sam A on 05/09/2009
You are one gutless wonder, aren't you. I love it - you give the referee all sorts of crap (and yes, I DO believe Ovrebo missed a bunch of calls, including the red card that shouldn't have been), but then say you wouldn't ref because there's nothing in it for you. Isn't that the cowards way out?
Frankly, I think people like you -and all the FSC and ESPN announcers should have had to both play AND ref before being allowed to comment. I'm both- former player and current ref- and can tell you that your comments merely show just how clueless you are when it comes to holding the whistle.
What is really clear is -to coin a phrase- "those who can do, and those who can't blog."
Do us all a favor and stick with your mates and your pints and leave the blogs to the smart folks.
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Posted by Muhammad on 05/09/2009
IHeartRedcastle, r u stupid or have ever played football? Handballs dont need to be intentional to be given. If that were the case, there would be like only 1% of handballs given because its rarely deliberate. what matters is whether the ball hit the hand 1. Anelka could have been through but behold Pique's hand was in the way unusually high considering Anelka tried flicking it over him, 2.Ballack's effort was heading goalwards but behold Eto'o jumps with his hands in the air.
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Posted by Garmy on 05/09/2009
I agree that Mr Biscuit had a bad game, but I disagree with people saying it was biased against Chelsea. And yes, Chelsea could have helped themselves. Drogba and Ballack's reactions were uncalled for and very unprofessional. You didn't see Cech or Terry screaming and howling their heads off now did you?
@Soccerao, ditto. It's a refreshingly different view at writing about recent happenings in the game we all love.
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Posted by blahblah on 05/09/2009
Another disgraceful blatantly biased article by ESPN. If the ref is killed, his family should sue you for fanning the flames of this insane unsportsmanlike behavior by Chelsea and their fans. As for the game, read what IHeartredcastle has to say, he seems to have seen the game with two open eyes, unlike you.
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Posted by Pramod on 05/09/2009
In case you guys missed it, Captain Sarcasm called, says he's writing as Pharrell Bell on soccernet. So y'all probably shouldn't get so worked up about what he says. :P
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Posted by Ian on 05/09/2009
wow, could you be any more biased toward chelsea? it's funny how no one said a word about how chelsea hacked the hell out of a clearly better barca side in the first leg
as far as the pk's, as long as i've watched the game you're not going to get a pk call on a close tackle, it has to be a clear foul in order to gain essentially a free goal...aside from pique's hand ball, every other one could've gone either way, toure yaya made some great tackles after it looked like he was beat, and the foul by dani alves outside the box on malouda that everyone said should've been a pk--are you joking me? doesn't chelsea play in the epl, the roughest and toughest league in the world? all that whining and flailing about on the ground by drogba sure made the epl look bad in that regard
and if it's any consolation to chelsea fans, barca won't have either of their outside backs in the final thanks to that same ref who apparently was the cause of drogba missing several open chances
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Posted by Paul on 05/09/2009
This article is utter bollocks.
Chelsea parked the team bus in front of their goal on both the home and away legs. They didn't try to play football. Barca did, and even when reduced to 10-men they still had more possession than Chelsea.
As for the penalty claims: the most glaring was when Anelka flicked the ball onto Pique's hand. The ref was well positioned, but it was BALL TO HAND, not hand to ball and the ref was (believe it or not) right not to give it.
In the end the better team won, and they deserved it too.
As for Phallus Bell; well I think he should stick to doing what he does best - warming the bench in UEFA ties....
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Posted by Lino Ventura on 05/09/2009
Yet another piece of absolute rubbish from the great scribe Pharrell Bell. Who? Yeah, Pharrell Bell. Apparently soccernet is fresh out of real writers.
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Posted by Anton on 05/09/2009
Pharell why you keep telling that you are a premier league STAR??? most of people around the world never heard of you!! you are not ronaldo not even wellbeck or Gibson!! Noone knows you!! So stop writing
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Posted by Jesse on 05/09/2009
From chuck:
"if fifa would put one more ref on the pitch it would help. the pitch is just to big for one ref to see the whole play. better calls would help clean up the flopping and fake injuries and lead to a better game. until this happens, bad calls will dominate big games forever."
From me:
No, the pitch is clearly too big for Chelsea to cover. If not, why did they decide to play in only one half?
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Posted by Dave on 05/09/2009
cambridgeshire-- Love it!
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Posted by kwasi on 05/09/2009
Honestly most chelsea fans are gutted but its all emotion and little brain reasoning.Its fueled by Pharel and co,English bias being showcased.Apart from Pique's handball what else was a real penalty call?I think none,and amazingly but unsurprisingly this author supports chelsea's attitude.The ref erred as much against chelsea as against barca(abidal),but it was no different from the 1st leg ref who refused Henry penalty,didnt show 2nd yellow card to Ballack,and left several tackles go unpunished,but rather showed Puyol yellow card.So why the wolf-crying.IT was not different from Fletcher's wrongful dismissal,so why the campaign against ref Tom Ovrebo.Its funny when you read from the bbc website---bias and narrow-mindedness galore from our enlgish writers.
Some international websites speak the truth,so goal.com for eg will not be liked by the biased english.
So you are very wrong Pharrel,just watch the match again.
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Posted by nutmeggerking on 05/09/2009
I love Bell's blog. But seriously, how dumb are some of the people reading this. It's entirely a satire, everything he says is exaggerated and rhetorical. He's making fun of people who think the way he does. Thanks for the laughs Bell and thanks for bringing the morons out. Keep it up
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Posted by Ace on 05/10/2009
Absolute rubbish this blog is.Pharell is a nut job.I mean ok footballers are expected to be a bit full of themselves when they're at the top.IF they're at the top. Last time I checked, Bell wasn't even in the reserve team of any BPL club. A riot?PLEASE!Stop kidding yourself!The sooner you realize you're a nobody, the better it will be for this blog.
Now to the pressing issue of that rubbish Kensington club and it's whining, cheating players. So the "Drog," or as those millions who wouldn't even know the name of 3 squad members before '04, affectionately call the most worthless piece of s*** in football, had to be carried off on the shoulders of not 1 but 2(yes 2!)medics, for a tackle in which absolutely no contact with this shameless "footballer" was made. Chelsea fans face it!You wouldn't finish a single match with the minimum 7 players required on the field should video replays be introduced,as the-not-so-golden-Guus wants.They'd all be sent off for simulation or "DIVING!"
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Posted by Stargazer on 05/10/2009
I'm glad that at least some people realise barca had as many bad decisions against them. They played with a man down for 30 minutes for no foul at all - if anything Anleka should have been yellow carded for diving. Barca never complained so much after the first leg...they are far more sporting. The better team over both legs won: that any neutral fan would agree!
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Posted by JBZ on 05/10/2009
Its quite obvious that none of the above posted comments are from people who dont actually play competitive soccer (IE get paid to play)! If so, they would already have been on BOTH ends of such "no calls" and wishful penalties. Real players understand.
The ref's job is not to call every foul. They never do. It is their job to manage the intensity of play with consistent and objective whistles. Simple as.
Chelsea knew all they had to do was win. When the game was closing they were guilty of "clock watching" and waiting for salvation. If Droga actually tried to score, rather than go for the TV highlight in the 6yd box, argument over and no one talks about these infamous 'no calls'.
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Posted by kywong73 on 05/11/2009
LOL - funniest satire I've read in ages. Keep it up!!
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Posted by mic on 05/11/2009
how do u guys actually like this guys blog he sounds like the biggest tool and talks himself up like hes messi and playing in champions league,get off ur high horse mate and take ur 64 inch plasma with you...
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Posted by John on 05/11/2009
I just wasted 5 minutes of my life on this article... for someone who has "experience" this article was full of crap, you spend more time roasting the referee and talking about rappers than giving an educated analysis... I honestly never thought I would read something like this on espn, it had no context of worth at all, just some rant by an emotional bloak... My advice is do some actual analysis and come up with educated suggestions and opinions which actual have some worth about the sport... And the suggestion of roy being ref is just retarted, do you honestly believe he could ref the manchester united games without some sense of emotion or connection to the team... pffff complete nonsense for a sports blog mate, keep these rants and roasts for your friends on the pub
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Posted by Changara on 05/11/2009
PhB, great read as usual but for once dead wrong. Being a professional player yourself, I understand your sentiments on Drogs rant but I disagree on your views about Chelsea. Playing against a ''smaller'' team physically, at home, leading 1 nil and a man up and yet still playing a defensive game in inexcusable at this level of the CL. Somebody explain to me why Hiddink, a hugely experienced manager would remove an attacker for a defender in the dying minutes against a team that is quickly tiring being a man down? That was the most amaturish sub I have seen in a very long time at this level. Hiddink played write in the plans of the newbie coach Pep. Pep recognised his weakness physically and numerically and instructed his lads to knock the ball about aimlessly then send the whole team up in the finaly minutes...even Pique went up immediately Drog was subbed. Only Kolo's younger brother remained behind. How could Hiddink be so amuturish and still claim the ref was unfair...absurd!
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Posted by from KENYA on 05/11/2009
I KNOW THIS IS OFF TOPIC BUT HE SORT OF REMINDS ME OF JONNY DRAMA FROM THE HIT TV SHOW ENTOURAGE.
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Posted by Stig Stigglesworth on 05/11/2009
Instead of nailing down the game using skill (against ten men!) Chelsea resort to blaming the ref for not awarding them marginal decisions in the penalty box. Give me a break. Go out and earn your place in the final. Barca did, and after an equally dubious red card they scored a class goal. These primadonnas and managers should have the guts to 'go for it' instead of relying on the officials to give 'em a free pass.
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Posted by Napier on 05/11/2009
Even funnier than the blog, is people's responses. Talk about clueless!
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Posted by DamoAuz on 05/12/2009
Yo Pharell! we could sneak you into a pub disguised as a Hull player, no one would turn their head! or a select few could lob up to your pad with a keg and live the dream.
Barca just tooled around with the ball for 80min without a shot on target..thats not beautiful, thats for the training pitch! Chelsea behaved that way because they were hell-bent on wining and didnt need an ikea salesman ripping them off! they deserve the game for being so passionate about winning.
anyways, Pharell you should do an article on your favorite tipple and night-spots (if you can remember the who, what , where) cause I know all these educated blog readers want to be you! eat, drink and dance like the PhB enforcer!
:-))
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Posted by brad on 05/12/2009
Read that someone suggested Joey Barton as ref so he can show the player "what a real foul is like".
Barton is a coward who lashes out at 15 year olds and attacks people when their backs are turned. You think Drogba, Vidic, Gerrard, Essien,Ballack are afraid of him? I certainly think not.
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Posted by gavin on 05/12/2009
I like what u write but respect the man in black or whatever colour they wear these days. Even if Roy keane or zidane or cantona became refree they will lose that respect from players. Maradonna was a great player but many footballers dont think is a good manager. some are losing some respect. We are human. I would like to see Drogba officiate one game. one single game. Please uefa give him one in the non league and will see how good he is and if he will be respected after making several blunders.
Posted by Asuma Isoe on 05/13/2009
Hi Pharrel,
I totally loved this blog....it was extremely hillarious. The refs need to be told it like it is and that was total injustice to Chelsea. They deserved better and both UEFA and that sick ref should apologise. Keep up the good job though and frankly speaking, yours is the one blog I can,t afford to miss!!!!!!
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