ESPN Soccernet - Blogs - This Sporting Life
soccernet blog
Soccernet Home Soccernet Home
Soccernet  Home Blogs Home
RSS feed
This Sporting Life
Posted by Pharrell Bell on 04/21/2009

The FA Cup semi-finals at Wembley meant that we didn't have a game in the Premier League this weekend, as I'm sure you all know.

A bit of time off was most welcome after a hectic Easter. As I said last week, while you guys were eating chocolate and putting your feet up for four days, top Premier League footballers like Pharrell Bell are expected in at training, come rain or shine.

I know that many of you left comments at the bottom of last week's blog, thanking me and my team-mates and colleagues for the unseen dedication that goes on behind the scenes at any football club. Thanks for your sympathy and support.

Actually, I've had loads of text messages from players at other clubs telling me that they love the Pharrell Bell blog and thanking me for making fans realise the effort that we put in, day in, day out.

Until now, footballers have never really had a chance to speak directly to their public. You guys are out there on the street, working your fingers to the bone in factories and mills and coal mines. Meanwhile, footballers live in our own world, protected by the electric gates and guard-dogs at our huge mock-Tudor mansions in the countryside.

But I hope that you now understand all the effort we put in to make our sport the best in the whole world. You know, I wouldn't swap playing football for any other sport.

Cricket - boring, totally ridiculous clothing and no-one cares who wins or loses.

Rugby - posh guys rolling around in the mud, grabbing each other's private parts before going off to sing songs in the shower.

Tennis - good for watching fit girls in short dresses, but mind-numbingly boring otherwise.

Basketball - a bunch of 7ft circus-freaks in 1980s trainers falling over at the slightest sign of contact from another player.

Even golf, I can't get into. Loads and loads of other top footballers love golf, but it's just not something I can get my head around. Golf is the only thing that some of the other guys here talk about.

My ears always prick up at the mention of birdies, but that's about it. Otherwise, I don't really know what they're talking about.

This weekend, a few of the lads took advantage of the fact that we didn't have a game by jetting off to Barcelona for a couple of rounds in the sunshine. Having nothing else to do, I went with them.

Of course, I didn't actually play golf - I really haven't got the patience for it, and then there are all those rules that you have to follow. No mobile phones on the course, replacing your divots, no shouting abuse at your playing partner as he's about to take his backswing. What's all that about?

In the end, I just followed the rest of them round the course in one of those electric buggies - which turned out to be a lot of fun in itself. Remembering a few of the sketches from Jackass, I still managed to keep myself entertained.

Turns out those buggies can really motor when you get them going downhill. I narrowly avoided flipping it into a lake when I used a small hill as a stunt ramp without realising what was on the other side.

I wasn't so lucky a couple of holes later when I lost control attempting a 360-degree handbrake turn and spun hard into a tree. The buggy wasn't the only thing that took a big hit - turns out I cracked a rib in the accident.

It left me in a bit of a dilemma. Wait until I got home to have treatment and hope the club doctor wouldn't tell the Gaffer what happened - or brave all the confusion and mis-translations of a Spanish hospital.

I just couldn't bring myself to take the risk of going to a foreign hospital not speaking a word of the local lingo, so I decided to head back to the doctor back at the club.

Thankfully, everything turned out fine in the end. I slipped our Doc a £50 note, a bottle of expensive rioja and a big old chorizo sausage, and he promised not to say a word to the Gaffer as he strapped up my ribs and shoved a bunch of painkillers down my throat.

Like I said, I wouldn't swap football for any other sport in the world. It is the dedication and hard work of people like Doc who keep the Beautiful Game so beautiful.

Thanks again for you comments; they are an excellent reminder of the fantastic job I'm doing here. I'm just trying to change the world, one blog at a time - I hope you guys are enjoying it.

Comments

Posted by barca&ChelseaFan on 04/21/2009

that tree accident was kind of immature i would say... u cracked a bone and now probably wont be able to play for ur club in some of the coming up games... not cool dude.. the club pays big money to you and i suppose one of the least expectations would be that u dont do something like that.. i mean i do 360 degree turns too but.. i do not do them near a tree in a freakin golf buggie...go to an empty parking lot in a car with a low centre of gravity and do it there.... hopefully u shall recover soon for the club's sake.. but that was not cool and very self centred i would say.. i mean i've no problems with ashley cole even though he makes a lot of tabloid news...Reason being that he doesnt break his bones when letting of steam..n on the pitch is a pretty good player..

Posted by Gunner93 on 04/21/2009

Ooh ! Hope that didn't hurt much, mate. I've broken a rib or two in my career as an amateur and I know just how you feel. Get well soon, PhB !

I still can't believe we get exclusive access to a weekly blog by a Premier League footballer - and that too a Redcastle insider ! One must say, though; this stuff is pretty good. After all, you ain't Dickens' great-great-grandson. Seven editions and I haven't been left dissapointed once. Cheers !

Posted by RedCastleLifer on 04/21/2009

Say it ain't so PhB! You're injured!! You know their gonna be coming after you in your next few matches. I mean, this is the most successful Football blog on the planet, written by one of, at least, the top 3 footballers in the world. Guys are getting jealous mate. You've been linked up with Nadine Coyle, jetset to Barca and Amsterdam, have been rumored to have an MLS club willing to pay Becks amount of money for you, and you get all the glory of playing for the one and only Red Castle Town! I heard it from my gardener's little brother's best friends unlces dad that others in the EPL have banded together to rough up the great one that is PhB. Supposedly Gallas was gonna be the one but he went out in a girly way. Have heard it could be Vidic but, my money is on Terry the Tranny. If you see him coming for you, watch yourself (and your family jewels!). Good to see you getting a much deserved break. Who needs the FA Cup anyway? PhB has much bigger trophies he's after!

Posted by Gustavo on 04/21/2009

This blog is an excellent idea, and I applaud its execution. This is one of the few times I have seen satire on the mainstream internet work this well. Congratulations on the wonderful work, ladies and gentlemen.
Goose

Posted by Stephen on 04/22/2009

Basketball players fall over at the slightest sign of contact?!!!!

Hahaha That's funny coming from a footballer.

Everybody knows you all are the queens of dramatics, faking injuries and rolling around like a bunch of wounded babies.

Wow! Pot calling the kettle black in a glass house.

Posted by Ryan on 04/22/2009

Dear Mr Pharrell Bell, there WERE games in the Premier League last weekend, despite the FA Cup semi-finals!

Posted by WorldNumberOneTwoThree on 04/22/2009

Bell, you are pathetic - complaining some damn fool golf buggy accident which nobody cares about. Did you see my Ferrari in the papers? THAT is a real bang-up car sissy boy. But about this basketball players falling over, I agree with you completely. They do not even move fast to fall over like me when idiots like you try to take me down. And who are these so called football players who text you about thanks? Is it O'Shea? I always thought he is an idiot...By the way, moron - I get 125000 pounds per week but do I go around saying hooray because it is 8 time more than 25000 pounds? No way, Jose.

Posted by andre on 04/22/2009

the best thing about satire is the people who don't get it. i love reading the comments after each new posting.you know who you are,...no, come to think about it, you probably don't.

Posted by RedCastleBornAndBread on 04/23/2009

Oh Pharrell, bad decision. I a once had to go to a Barcelona hospital and my doctor was a real birdie if you know I mean. There were difficulties with the language and the treatment I was supposed to have; but we resolved it - if you know what I mean!

Next time you're there I really recommended visiting a hospital - even if there is nothing wrong with you.

Posted by Rhondo on 04/23/2009

How come you telling us about this golf thing and not a word about the alleged incident with those hot "birdies" in the pub? That would be much more interesting. I was there, and I saw how they were throwing themselves at the famous footballers, giggling, flirting and showing a lot of skin. They were really asking for it. It was a big surprise to read in the papers that you guys have been charged with sexual assault. Tell us what happened, and if you need a witteness I'll be up for it. And I know when you are on 25K a week a broken rib won't stop you from doing... whatever it is you supposed to do. Keep up the good work.

Posted by Jefferson on 04/24/2009

Hey, can I know whos is PhB? Is he really exist?

  Post your comment
Name:
Email Address:
Comments:
characters left
© ESPN Soccernet 2009
Cricinfo
Soccernet
ESPN