This monumental improvement raises the question as to what exactly constitutes a player of the highest quality. No one would claim that Fletch has the touch of Fabregas, the goal threat of Gerrard or the power of Essien, but then neither did Roy Keane. And like Keane, Fletch regularly bests all-comers, doing everything very well almost all of the time as much an asset as doing a few things brilliantly. Top red Andre 3000 was apologising on behalf of United fans everywhere when he said “I’m sorry Darren, woo, you are for reeeaal”.
His goal on Saturday was particularly handy, arriving as things were becoming worrisome; despite playing with pace, aggression and control, United had mustered little to make Tim Howard twitch. With Owen performing like he’d won a competition to play for United for the day, seeing Saha on the other side was all the more galling; the best football United – or anyone in England for that matter – have played in the last number of seasons was when he was in the team. Sadly, he took Juvenal too literally, his mind deteriorating with every bodily complaint.
A major plus point of last week was the obvious difference made by a footballing full back. Comfortable and imaginative enough on the ball to receive possession from a short corner, Rafael’s propensity to be caught out of position is a small price to pay for the added attacking dimension. Valencia’s continued improvement was also encouraging, his obvious limitations less glaring now he’s located some confidence to accompany his biceps. Oddly, most pleasing of all was seeing him blaze a shot from distance over the bar, as previously he’d have meekly squared the ball to someone more senior.
In any case, he’s undoubtedly a better option than Park. I must confess that my loneliness is killing me now, but in addition to that, I must also confess that I found it hard to be disappointed by his recent injuries. Although the best football team doesn’t have the best player in every position, and although Park is not without use, selecting a winger for his defensive capabilities – especially in big games and especially when there are three in midfield and one up front – is a waste of time and not what United is about.
On that basis, I simply cannot explain why he’s been given a four year deal, unless it’s for marketing reasons. With Obertan looking promising, Llajic arriving, Tosic good if he can stop crying, Welbeck able to play wide, and Giggs and Valencia superior, I can’t see a scenario in which he’d be required. But of course Fergie will find plenty - such is the problem caused by a large squad full of players in need of time on the pitch.
Thus the midweek game against Besiktas was an excellent opportunity for those not playing often enough. With so many first team games, reserve leagues no longer comprise those out of form and favour; instead, they’re made up of kids and players returning from injury, meaning a far lower level of competition than in previous eras. Consequently, those not getting regular first team action play hardly at all, Nani’s experience last season being a case in point; rarely picked, but around the fringes enough to be denied the chance of improving in the stiffs.
Of those who played on Wednesday, only Obertan enhanced his reputation, although Anderson’s lack of arsedness (in all but the physical sense) was not helpful. Neither was the incompetence of Foster, who in conceding yet another goal he shouldn’t have, allowed the Turks to flood the midfield and defend deep.
Still, United should have done better once behind, allowing themselves to be forced infield far too easily. As it happens, Macheda was one of those least culpable, but remains so obviously lumbering you’d be unsurprised to see him rolling down the Eagle River with Owen Hargreaves on his back. Strikers that slow have made it before, but require even more exceptional ability than others, and whilst I’m sure he’ll go on to have a good career, I’m not sure it’ll be at United.
The substitutes sent on to save the day didn’t help matters either. Owen managed perhaps a couple of touches in almost half an hour, whilst Carrick either belted the ball out of play or passed it into the arms of the shockingly haggard Rustu. When the arrival of Inceman, Besiktas’s splendidly named substitute, is one of the highlights of the game, it’s clear that there’s not very much to say about it, so I’ll stop there.
I will, though, mention Gareth Southgate, chuckling smugly in the studio pre–match about the touchline run-ins he’s had with Fergie, forgetting to mention that these were sparked by the vicious assaults of his mardy bunch of useless cloggers. You’d best savour em, Gareth, because you’ll not be getting the chance again.
Talking of televised football, I couldn’t help but laugh watching Match of the Day 2 last Sunday. First we got to hear Jermaine Defoe call Aaron Lennon “Azza” – creativity in the Tottenham dressing room must be limited to eyebrow shaving alone - and then, host Adrian Chiles talked of Sam Allardyce being “pre-op”. Now there’s an image for you.
Anyway, one more of those while we’re at it. Apparently the “promoters” of Brave John Terry have sent a mass email alerting businesses around the country to their client’s desire to harvest money for endorsing a variety of products. Fair enough - who wouldn’t want to be associated with a crying, disabled-space parking hero? There’s clearly much more to say about this, but due to constraints of space, I’ll merely point out that The Guardian refer to Terry “a commercial tool”. Sums it up rather nicely, dontcha think?
Just when I thought I’d gone a whole column without laughing at Liverpool, it turns out that I can’t help myself. Their game against City last Saturday was a delight, the poverty of both decorated with a result that suited neither. Then, in the lead up to their game against Debrecen, I happened upon this from Jamie Carragher:
“I’ve spoken to my dad and he said we’ve had five years of winning big trophies, getting to another Champions League final, going close in the league and that this might just be a difficult season”.
Now the wisdom of Carragher senior is beyond doubt – we only have to look at what an articulate, intelligent gentleman his son has become – so it’s only fair that it be shared with a wider audience. However it appears he is operating on a conceptual plain that eludes me - I have no idea to which trophies he’s referring, nor how a single near miss can span a five-year period.
Talking of renowned gentlemen, Amr Zaki received a small amount of media attention this week for saying the following:
“Joining Portsmouth is no longer an option for me. After Portsmouth signed an Israeli player and also hired an Israeli football director a possible move was ruled out. On top of that, no way could I play at Portsmouth with an Algerian within their ranks”.
And this wasn’t a comment that was made privately, but one he was happy to publish on his website, for all the world to see. It reminded me of Dick Advocaat’s gripe when manager of Zenit St Petersberg:
“I would be happy to sign anyone, but the fans don’t like black players. Frankly, the only players who can make Zenit stronger are dark-skinned. But for us it would be impossible. The fans are the most important thing that Zenit have. That’s why I have to ask them outright how they’ll react if we sign a dark skinned player for Zenit”.
So why did Zaki remind me of Advocaat? Because in both cases, despite the almost cartoonish nature of the racism, no one did anything. Kick It Out this, t-shirt that, pennant the other – all posturing, no action. What FIFA need is Darren Fletcher.
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