What's the best thing to do when it's a slow news day? Roll out a nice unsubstantiated story with no quotes to back it up like Robin van Persie going to Manchester United.

The Sun are to blame for this gem, as they've clearly become bored with the Franck Ribery, David Villa, Cristiano Ronaldo rumour mill. And who can blame them?

Almost every other paper in the land is going with the Didier Drogba ban story. The Daily Express bring us news that he has been suspended for four games, with two extra games, er... suspended.. for a couple of years - presumably if he offends in the same way again.

The Daily Mail are ploughing their own furrow as they have decided that the best news around is really the fact that Samuel Eto'o quite fancies a massive pay-day at Man City.

Aside from the fact they won't be in Europe next season, the Cameroon international is said to be close to a deal; but we can't imagine what the motivating factor is. Not the wage demands of £192,000 a week, after tax, surely?

The Guardian reckon Jermaine Pennant [remember, the man who turned down a move a to Madrid because they weren't offering him enough cash] could also be on his way to City. Sky Andrew, the agent of the 26-year-old, has refused to comment, which probably means something is in the offing.

Motivated by a desire to win things, perhaps League titles, Javier Mascherano doesn't fancy staying at Liverpool for much longer, say the Sun. In fact, he's already packing his bags as his agent is meeting Barcelona representatives to discuss a possible move. Be ready for 'Yaya Toure watch' should the move go through.

Tottenham are still sniffing around players that no-one else seems interested in, so step forward Nigel Reo-Coker. Could Aston Villa be interested in a switch if the bait of Tom Huddlestone is wafted in their general direction? Well, yes, say the Daily Mirror; but David Bentley, Jermaine Jenas and Ashley Young could also be involved somehow.

Former White Hart Lane favourite Sol Campbell is also considering a move. Not to Tottenham, but to either Basle or Fenerbahce. It would take a bit of a pay cut to keep him at Pompey, say the Times; but given that he fancies another move 'abroad' he'll probably end up at Stoke.

And Kevin Keegan could be on his way back into football. So who has this breaking piece of gossip? Surely one of the big boys.. no, it's the Southern Daily Echo. Apparently the former England and Newcastle boss is meeting Matthew Le Tissier and former chairman Leon Crouch, but might just be taking his football circus to Southampton, rather than getting everyone all excited that he might be taking over as manager.

And there were go, managed to get through the whole thing without mentioning Cristiano Ronaldo. Oh wait.. actually he's locked in talks with Real Madrid over bonus payments based on sponsorship and other commercial deals and the whole thing could fall through. The Daily Mail seem to think he doesn't think that £200,000k a week is enough. Damn.