Jose Mourinho has finally lost the plot. He's been making eyes at Didier Drogba (fair enough) and Jermaine Jenas, writes Chris Murphy

Yes, that's right folks. Jermaine Jenas could be on his way to Inter Milan. Harry Redknapp must be laughing his head off and offering to drive the workshy midfielder to the Lombardian capital himself. Quite what The Special One sees in The Perrenially Disappointing One I don't know. But he could be soon gracing Serie A with his misplaced passing and curious inability to score in front of an open goal.

Redknapp is still scouring the Premier League for a club willing to sell him a decent forward in exchange for Darren Bent. But Sunderland don't want to part with Kenwyne Jones or West Ham with Carlton Cole. Maybe if Harry offered his missus (who, of course, would have converted Bent's gilt-edged chance against Portsmouth) as an additional makeweight he could clinch a deal.

After nine-years of pining for each other, finally Emile Heskey and Martin O'Neill have been re-united.

I can picture the scene of his signing; clearly some sort of slow-motion running was involved, O'Neill clutching a lucrative contract and Heskey with bic in hand ready to sign on the dotted line. Its taken £26.2million worth of transfer fees and four clubs but O'Neill has eventually got his man. And for £3.5million quid for a seasoned pro and England international, you have to say it could be a complete steal.

Andrei Arshavin you say? Blah, blah, blah I reply. His proposed transfer to Arsenal is in danger of breaking down (shock horror) and poor old Andrei is thinking of going on strike to force the deal through. Don't expect a swift resolution to that one.

And finally, Javier Saviola says he'll quit Real Madrid if he doesn't get more face time, with a string of mediocre Premier League clubs set to tempt him with a last-minute offer to hit there shores before January is out. And what better way to finish on another utterly tiresome transfer saga - Mark Hughes will go back to Blackburn Rovers with an increased offer for Roque Santa Cruz this week. Altogether now - yawn.