After losing Ronaldo and Tevez Manchester United have been thrown into chaos with the revelation that the club has plummeted to 13th in the Premier League in the latest table published this week. With Zero points United are perilously close to falling into the relegation zone with West Ham, Wigan and Wolves. Typically Spurs are off to their now traditional slow start and find themselves nestled in 17th just outside the relegation places.

"It's shocking" said M. T. Head a disgruntled United supporter. "To be behind two promoted clubs at this stage of the season speaks to a lack of planning from the manager. If Fergie doesn't get this sorted quickly the club needs to evaluate whether it's time for him to go. We need to give him another month but if the league position has not improved then the chairman must do what's right for the club." Last night William Hill, Damon Hill, Anita Hill and Grange Hill were all said to have slashed the odds on Ferguson being the first Premier League Manager casualty of the new campaign.

United fans over at "15%", the supporters pub named after the percentage of people that live in Manchester that actually support United, were equally distraught. "Clearly there is a concern that we could do a Leeds or a Newcastle," commented pals Boris Scilley and Oliver Double. "We've already under achieved since Ronaldo and Tevez left and are closer to the Championship than Europe. I mean if the team got relegated we'd have to find someone else like Chelsea to support"

Nor are things better in Spain where the local United fans are unhappy that the once proud team has become a mere feeder club for Real Madrid. Local chapter president Juan Morefore de Rohde noted that with a couple more departures for Spain the locals will not have to plan trips to Old Trafford anymore but can instead watch their favourites at the Bernabeu