I blame a major increase in sunspot activity this year for raising world levels of insanity. And now REM are splitting up.

I mean, you only have to look at current volatility across the global money markets. Not being a day trader myself or someone who makes money his god, I would normally pay scant attention to the daily indices. Currently I'm hooked. Jabbing at the screen, surfing from CNN to the squawk on the street, fretting over the FTSE, hung up with the Hang Seng.

Greece is bust. In six weeks I hear it said the population will be as one with their statues...down to their fig leaves for modesty. Once they go under, beware the chain reaction. Not just those banks left holding junkbonds, promissary notes and worthless collateral, but also the treasuries of Ireland, Portugal, Spain and Italy. All spent out. The Lehman Bros collapse will seem like a lawn sale in comparison.

But hark! Salvation is at hand, from the only nation that can save mankind. The Germans have a plan. Just how do they do it??? Knock 'em down, they bounce straight back. They build the best cars, while das Volk are deemed adult and disciplined enough to race them along the autobahns at any speed they desire. No nanny state this. Despite enjoying longer holidays than anyone else in Europe, where they have every sunbed snapped up by 07.45, will monopolise the tennis court, crowd out the pool, rush the food lines and still be last man standing at the bar, the blighters once back at work are the only Europeans still capable of stuffing wads of cash under the mattress.

Angela Merkel is going to whip the IMF, the World Bank, Sarkozy and the rest into fronting up two trillion dollars to save the Eurozone from imploding. Pity the poor guy in line behind the Greek finance minister when he's called to the counter to bag that up...Yes my friends, we are living through strange times. My new found interest in the stock market arises because I have a 20 year retirement policy maturing this week. Since the insurer sent out the forms in August for transfer the valuation's dropped $10,000. So, I'm hurting.

Let's wallow in some lunacy. That's what I've been doing:

From Sweden: "It was pretty stiff at first, legs folded in and eyes closed, so we thought it was dead. We poked it and it started moving." This headline is not a reference to the current forward line at Fulham, but Sofie Isaksson in Orebro finding a toad in her bag of salad after a week in the fridge.
From Turkey: More than 41,000 women and children fill the stadium to watch Fenerbahce draw 1-1 with Manisapor, Men are banned from Istanbul's top side after crowd trouble.
From Germany: 21-year-old Brazilian, Vinicius Rodrigues Borges, known as Breno, was treated for smoke inhalation after his villa on the outskirts of Munich, caught fire last week. The Bayern Munich player was then arrested over the weekend and held in custody under suspicion of starting the fire himself.
From the UK : Wenger says we are going towards a huge financial crisis and football will be badly hit with attendances dropping, while Ferguson moans TV's power over the game is unhealthy. (A little late guys, we've been saying this for two years).

Finally, Mancini says Carlos Tevez will never play for City again after the player refuses to come off the bench with his side 0-2 down to Bayern.

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And that hopefully will set us up nicely for the needle match Sunday with QPR. Long time since we locked horns, and they've been picking up points where we haven't, so we really need to be on our mettle to secure that first win. It couldn't come against a better team. Quite a week in prospect, oh yes, and the London Cajun Jammers and your blogger will be rolling up the rug Saturday for my birthday bash. Sunspots permitting.

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