And why not indeed. A dash of absurdity has been lacking from this site since before Christmas, when a number of Arsenal fans clearly not resident in the northern hemisphere missed the joke in my spoof letter to 'throw' our game at the Emirates. While we're at it, come now, how many of you really believed my 'synthetic spray-on' shirt story last year?
As Ian Dury soothed my internet trawl, and with no hint of spin from the club, there we had it today, three genuinely 'feel good' stories on the FFC home page. AJ relishing the imminent return of Big Bobby - who celebrated his 30th birthday this week, Hughes singing the praises of Dempsey, a common theme with all UK media since Saturday, and a profile on the ever-modest and unassuming Brede Hangeland commemorating three years with the Whites for our Rock of the North. The term 'model pro' was never more apt for this grounded and likeable fella.
Now for the absurd. Sir Alex finds time in his busy schedule to single out our dressing rooms for criticism. What's this all about? So incensed is he by the cramped changing conditions for his superstars in the bowels of the Cottage, why, it's only taken him 5 months since their game last summer to bring it up. Never one to mince his words, the Govan bruiser from the slums of Glasgow describes our facilities as 'an absolute disgrace and ridiculous.' In his view the Prem should demand higher standards being imposed - as if the EPL don't have enough muscle.
Hope you caught Kevin Day's warm little look around our club on Sunday's MOTD 2. If not watch from i-player or the net. That's who we are and that's how we like it. Fergie, you just made a fool of yourself. And probably guaranteed no hot water when you turn up next. Let's hope so.
I've changed in that dressing room for a charity game at the Cottage. I've also been inside Liverpool's and plenty of others. OK, there's no comparison in terms of space, but oh my Fergie, you should have seen them in the mid 90's! With the club on its uppers and on the verge of being evicted, nothing apart from essential maintenance was being spent on the ground. I had a few seasons in the press box getting dripped on via holes in the roof, the radio point was primitive and temperamental, a lovely old dear turned up with home made scones in a tin as half-time refreshment for the press corps (and never ever received payment for it), while the 'Press Room' was the size of a broom cupboard. There are plenty of old pictures out there with volunteer fans painting the ironwork around the ground pre-season. Oh yes, none of it was that long ago.
But back to those ancient, rusting dressing rooms in the era of Jimmy Hill as Chairman. Now, there's a topic worthy of a book...The club at the time was being run so poorly only David Lloyd's admirable fanzine provided a platform for our frustration. Eventually, the long-suffering players were forced to raise the issue of our decrepid facilities with Ray Lew. He passed their complaints upstairs. Jimmy trotted down from the office and was indeed horrified. He proclaimed outrage in his programme notes, and promised action. Jim wanted supporters to know he was on the case.
We published a spoof piece in the fanzine soon after where JH drops by the training ground and to his consternation also discovers the whole first team is completely useless. Rushing back to the ground he informs the board relegation is a certainty with this bunch of misfits, only to be informed they have all been purchased with the last of the club's money by the deadbeat managers Jimmy has recruited.
The best bit about satire, is there's always a huge grain of truth in it. From rags to riches, let's hope we never forget where we came from, how we started, and what we've had to overcome. Unlike Ferguson.
Small ground next to a river, modest facilities, rarely hit the healdines, but what heart. Pure Fulhamish. May it never change.
Twitter@fulhamphil
RSS feed