ESPN Soccernet - Correspondents - Fulham
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Fulham
Posted by Phil Mison on 12/02/2010

A combination of adverse weather, Fulham's recent poor run and the Christmas shopping season prompts a remarkable club letter to Arsene Wenger. Read it here.

Fulham FC
Stevenage Road
London SW6
1st December 2010

Dear Arsene,

Let me start by saying how wonderful the style of football is at Arsenal this season. Pay no attention to anything I might have said on Monday night - you are better than Barcelona. You are my hot tip to win the league. I know I say that about every team that beats us, but with you I mean it.

As we know, the fixture this Saturday at your place where we turn up with our annual gift of three points is a distraction we can both do without. Were you aware Fulham haven't won an away game since August 2009? Incredible, thank God I wasn't the man in charge for the bulk of those matches. You and I understand each other, so let me be frank.

The current team has no chance of winning at the Emirates on Saturday. The club would therefore like to forfeit the match 0-3 and save everyone the trouble of turning up. A quick head count of players at the training ground this week still without injury confirms that most would prefer to go Christmas shopping with their wives.

We appreciate your faithful supporters may feel disappointment at missing out on the ritual slaughter. By way of recompense the club would like to make you and them a unique and, we believe, enticing offer.

Due to an administrative oversight we have over-ordered on a bulk delivery of sports leisurewear. Our commercial department would therefore like to offer a 'must have' fashion shirt to each and every supporter to be placed on every seat at the Emirates before your next match, and just in time for Christmas.

Our youth academy have spent all week unpicking the club crest, and the shirts - available in a classic green - come in all sizes. This high fashion statement shirt combines perfectly with Barbour hunting jackets and green wellies. A look that my chairman is certain will find favour with many Gooners.

I am sure this letter will be welcomed by your own board, and you and I can look forward to putting our feet up in front of the fire this Saturday with a glass of ginger wine and, for once, being able to enjoy Channel 4's racing (snow permitting).

A Mr. Mark Schwarzer will be delivering this letter by hand. He was most insistent that he wanted to meet you personally and have a tour of your fine facilities at Arsenal. I can't think why. He especially wishes to have a look at your trophy cabinet, something we do not possess here at Craven Cottage.

My best wishes for the festive season, and I sincerely hope Arsenal have secured the title by spring, in which case we may be in a position to give you a real game at our place. If I'm still here of course...football's a funny business!

All the Best

Mark

Comments
Posted by gradew on 12/02/2010

Thank you for your appreciations. I wish this all had not been to make arsenal players complacent.

Posted by Pete on 12/02/2010

Let us hope this is the case lol

Posted by Tottz on 12/02/2010

That's pretty funny or i'm really bored sitting at home looking at the snow.

Given the awful weather and travel issues, I would be happy to accept the offer. I love going to the Arsenal but I dont love being in the cold shouting 'f*cking shooooot'.

Posted by shaun on 12/02/2010

The writer of this obviously haven´t been noticing Arsenal´s home form as late. I wouldn´t be too sure of anything when it comes to Arsenal. They are capable of a real sh#t performance on any given day.

Posted by Snowhite on 12/02/2010

is this letter for real or just a ploy to distraxt the gunners????

Posted by sthula on 12/02/2010

omg i feel sorry for mark i wish der was some majic i can do for him

Posted by Guli Martin on 12/02/2010

either that or not we will get the 3 points. foreva gunner Lol

Posted by Jake on 12/02/2010

Your pessimism is truly remarkable. Yeah we're probably going to lose but why put this on this site when you're supposed to be the fulham supporter correspondent?

Blog Central: Hear Hear!

Posted by awesome foursome on 12/02/2010

haha what a pi**take

Its good to see big clubs still having fun with words,

Posted by ossynawata on 12/03/2010

this is the funniest piece of article i ever read.lol we gunners must not be distracted as we normally shud be winning games at hme.. just imagine if we had won all doze games we lost at home?? yep dats rite, we wud have been sitting really pretty up on that table.. anyways good luck boyz!!

Posted by gee on 12/03/2010

Nice piece of work! a great change of way in presenting your view on your favorite team. Im an Arsenal fan, but i m not too sure about 3-0. Our defense has been Crappy all season.

Posted by Denis on 12/03/2010

Am a die hard, long time Arsenal fan, but even i find this utterly disrespectful to Fulham fans. I cant imagine if it were Arsenal on the recieving end. So i jus wish to say Sory on behalf of the writer.

Posted by Fullback on 12/03/2010

Nice ... Mark i like what i read. being a Arsenal fan for 40 years or so , its nice to read a letter??? so warming in these cold days. Tottz i agree with ya ... please Shoot I get tired of seeing attempts to walkthe ball in to the oppopnents net for god sake these lads are pro footballers .. show some mercy

Posted by nonso nwaokorie on 12/03/2010

this is preposterous.ther must me a way fulham can sue the writer for defamation of character or something.

Posted by akinnola victor on 12/04/2010

i don't what this is all about, but who ever must have wriiten this has accepted defeat to start with.
now tell arsene that the trophy isn't for Arsenal neither is it for chelsea, but to the rightfull owner. Manchester united!
ha ha ha ha !

Posted by gunners1 on 12/05/2010

this comment isnt at this story at all but to the write up given after the arsenal win on sat. The only reason im writing it here is because there was no reply section after the article.
All ive got to say is that im amazed by the incompetance of what was said. As far as i saw it arsenal scored 2 great goals, they won as a team and mmoved top of the league and yet the drivel and garbage written about them in the review after the game makes it sound as though they lost. Its a joke

Also i think ill go out and purchase a blackpool jersey when they beat man u in the game coming up..although there no west ham haha guess we'll see

get some new writers

Blog Central: Your request passed to ESPN's editor-in-chief, no doubt he will be taking action.

Posted by minor squabbles on 12/16/2010

Nice writing although I am too physically exhausted to find this funny I think. The links were nice and the mentions (tributes? Not thinking straight right now) were also good (probably funny).

It is pessimistic and it might sound disrespectfuly but again, it's a friggin' joke. This is not as disrespectful as Evra's withdrawn comment about Arsenal being a training center (well, before it was withdrawn anyway) and not as much of a tasteless joke as killing someone.

Simply put, if the intention wasn't there, and we know the intention wasn't there since the writer is so pro-Fulham he even took the correspondent role in ESPN, then just go along with it. A joke is a joke. As long as there is no ill-will and no ill by-products, if it's for a good laugh, then it's for a good laugh.

If you're offended, well sorry. You can argue that this is tugging at very sensitive topics for the club but from the lack of insults and a bit too much absurdity, the only things insulting might be a few digs.

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