Dear Tony Cascarino (and everyone else who thinks Owen Coyle would be mad to want to go to Bolton), you are delusional, and from this point on you will not be required to tell me how football works. Please turn in your press credentials and your ghostwriter, and leave me alone.
Like it or not, Bolton Wanderers are an established Premier League club, having been promoted in 2001 and with four Top 8 finishes since then. As good as Burnley have been this season, they are in the top division for the first time since Taxi Driver and Rocky came out.
Nine years of Premier League television money is nothing to be sniffed at. Coyle's achievement at Burnley shouldn't be underestimated, considering the lack of investment in facilities and talent that they have had over the last ten years. Compared to the clubs they are battling against every week, they are tiny.
On the other hand, Bolton invested heavily in their facilities and their academy under Allardyce and Gartside and have a smart Premier League stadium. Just forget about the league table for a second – Bolton are a big club.
It's like the difference between Portsmouth and Tottenham. Harry Redknapp was so desperate to get to a bigger club could said to have run Portsmouth into the ground, (neatly detailed here by Gab Marcotti, but minus the irresponsible fingerpointing). In doing so, Harry proved that it's impossible to have sustained success in the Premier League without proper investment behind the scenes.
In terms of facilities and stadium, Bolton Wanderers is a similar size to Everton, which is perceived as a bigger club (and has more fans) but in every other respect isn't much different.
That perception comes from two things:
1. There are loads of Everton fans in the media.
2. They have a great manager.
Everton are a really well run club, but there's no reason why Bolton couldn't achieve the same things as David Moyes has achieved if they had the right manager. The differences between the two clubs boil down to making good decisions, and they are neatly illustrated by last summer's marquee signings: Bolton bought Johan Elmander, and Everton found Marouane Fellaini.
This is why Coyle is going to be named Bolton manager later this week, and anyone who still thinks that Owen Coyle is mad needs to take the tour at Turf Moor and seek a quick peek at the (comparative) woodshed that Burnley is being run out of.
The absolute best-case scenario for Burnley – coming from someone who has really enjoyed they way they have played this season – is survival, probably followed by relegation next season. It's a great story, but they're not equipped to match Owen Coyle's ambition at the moment, and Bolton are.
As far as Phil Gartside is concerned, he should pay whatever it takes to get Coyle to the Reebok, because he has something going for him that Gary Megson never had: Bolton fans want to see him succeed.
It sounds like a cliché, but Coyle and Bolton are a perfect fit for each other.