This is dark desperate stuff. Autumn's coming, the price of oil is going to go up and people are getting themselves whipped into a frenzy over the coming winter - long, pitch-black nights followed by murky, rain-flecked days. Everyone is frantic, grabbing anything they think might be useful before the window is locked and bolted, even if it's nothing more useful than firewood. Which kinda leads me to Ivan Klasnic…
If you listen to the rumours and sketchy reports, Gary Megson has settled on Klasnic as the answer to his summer-long search for striking options. It seems impossible, but Gary Megson might just be putting together a deal that could make Johan Elmander look like a genius.
Klasnic is a big (6ft 1in) slow striker who has never been a big goalscorer in his career. After moving to Nantes in France last season, the club was relegated with Klasnic contributing just six goals. Looking at Nantes' (unexceptional) squad, you would think that Klasnic would be the highest earner there.
His wages and his (lack of) goals mean that if Nantes were looking to make changes after relegation, Klasnic would be the obvious choice to leave the club. He's probably been available all summer, yet nobody has taken a punt on him yet. The fact that this is all happening in the last few hours of Transfer Deadline Day means that Gary Megson is scraping the bottom of the barrel. Excited yet?
If that's not enough optimism for one day, what about the fact that Ivan Klasnic is twenty-nine (29!) and hasn't played 300 games or scored 100 goals. This means that either a) He's no good and has never really been playing or scoring regularly, or b) He's always injured.
Actually, it's worse than that. In January 2007, Klasnic suffered kidney failure, and has subsequently had two kidney transplants. Really Gary? There were no guys out there with two kidneys? Wouldn't it get tricky at corners, with defenders constantly tugging on his dialysis machine?
For this year's 'coup' Gary Megson has targeted a big slow striker with a less than impressive goalscoring record in France and a chequered (at best) injury history. You don't think he's trying to make Elmander seem good by comparison, do you?
I mean, at least Elmander is fit for most games…