I should be celebrating.

For years I've had only a limited audience to seethe and rant at. My friends have been far too understanding about being subjected to fifteen-minute soliloquies about Kevin Davies versus Emile Heskey. They would smile and placate me, while I�..m jumping about, sweating, swearing and spitting. If I�..m in public, I start to draw alarmed sideways glances and mothers move to protect their children.

And now I have this amazing platform, my very own space to vent, nitpick and argue. All of a sudden I have become the totally unofficial, semi-authoritative international mouthpiece for Bolton Wanderers.

Of course, I can�..t be allowed to enjoy this. That would be just too good.

No, because Kevin Nolan is dead, (to me).

First things first, I love Kevin Nolan and everything about his game. I love his refreshing down-to-earth attitude to the game and to the fans and I love that his wife isn�..t on TV.

I love the way he plays his own brand of throwback football. He�..s like a cross between a centre-half and a centre-forward. Nobody makes them like that anymore.

And even though we�..re all cappuccino-sipping Europeans now, I love that he picked England over Ireland. I doubt he�..ll ever win an England cap while Gerrard, Lampard and Gareth Barry are all still playing, but it�..s rare these days for a footballer to show that kind of backbone. (I hate you Andy Townsend. Get off my TV).

I was absolutely broken when I heard about the move. It completely blindsided me, though I suppose the signs were there, with the bizarre Barton and Veloso bids and swing-and-miss on Jimmy Bullard.

When I tried to explain my despair to a United fan, he didn�..t get it. �..You�..re dreaming�.�, he said. �..He�..s not that good.�.�

And yeah, Kevin Nolan might not be Paul Scholes, but to me, it�..s like losing Rooney and Ronaldo. All of a sudden, a huge chunk of the team is missing. If I were a better writer I�..d use some sort of human body analogy, but with the heart removed. You know where I�..m going with this.

Maybe it has hurt me more because he�..s been a fixture in the team for so long. It�..s so rare these days for a player as good as Kevin Nolan to stick with the team that gave him a chance and take on the responsibility of being a veteran at a smallish club.

And I�..ll never forget that Nolan would sweat blood on football pitch if it meant winning. I used to think that you couldn�..t buy something like that, but it seems Newcastle have.

It�..s been different over the last eighteen months. The grit and effort was always there but the goals had dried up. I always loved his apologetic grin after scoring, as if he couldn�..t believe he was winning Premier League games for Bolton, but I hadn�..t seen that for a while. If I weren�..t a Bolton fan, I�..d think that maybe he should be thinking about a move.

Of course, I always assumed he�..d move up, to a bigger club and a bigger stage. Maybe he�..d get to perform in the Champion�..s League or see the inside of an England squad�.�

He�..d be an upgrade for Everton, Villa, Arsenal or Spurs. He�..s just the kind of leader City need in midfield. It�..d be churlish to deny him a move after ten fantastic and memorable years.

But Newcastle? Really? Is that a move up? Or even sideways?

Yeah, they (still) have the fans and a first-rate stadium. And, er�.�

Their best players, Owen and Given, won�..t be there next season. They don�..t know who their manager will be and the owner is absolutely desperate to sell. Mike Ashley only bought the club because he thought he had a bargain and he could sell for a profit. Imagine how sick he�..d be if the unthinkable happened.

Are there three worse teams than Newcastle? We�..re fifteen games away from finding out. I�..d be more concerned with their long-term prospects. Only Nicky Butt and Steve Harper have signed new contracts this season, and I�..m not sure they are the future.

What�..s the worst thing about this deal? I�..m losing Kevin Nolan, but it might be just what he needs. And there�..s no way £4million is enough for a top English midfielder.

But the worst thing might be that we�..re not really saying goodbye, because I have a feeling Bolton and Newcastle will be occupying the same space in the Premier League table for the next few years.

Just like everyone else in the bottom half, we�..re going to be seeing a lot of Kevin Nolan in the future. I just don�..t know if that�..s going to be harder on me, or on him.