A scientific instrument not yet allowed by the Football Association, it is designed to protect fans from managers, and vice-versa. Broadly points along the rainbow are built up as below:

1-15% RED the result; most managers can still bear to put this into words
16-30% ORANGE the other side; few circumstances exist where the opponents are forgotten
31-45% YELLOW the reason; we were outplayed by the other side
46-60% GREEN our players, how they performed against the manager's explanations
61-75% BLUE injuries, points given for concentrating on actual on-the-night impacts
76-90% INDIGO the referee and his assistants, points gained for not mentioning, plus praise
91-105% VIOLET manager's gloss to improve feel-good for fans. Purple passages over 100%.

Clearly this is the Mark 1 model, but let's road-test it on Nigel Clough. After all, it was only the League Cup, Carling Cup if you must, and maybe he's secretly pleased that we're out. Nigel, thank you for taking part on this prototype. Are you strapped in? The mike's live. 3 2 1 Whistle.

"We have no complaints, on the night Rotherham deserved to win." BZZZ straight to 21%!

"We just weren't at it; as good as we were on Saturday against Peterborough, we were equally poor tonight." PING 25%, picking up manager's gloss points?

"We made too many errors and too many individuals were not at their best" 34% and steady

"The goals we conceded were disappointing as well, particularly the one just before half-time" 40% "I thought we had our best spell in the final 15 minutes, and certainly our best chances; Jake Buxton with a header.." 43% "..Dean Moxey's long range shot.." 47% "..& Jay McEveley with a one on one all had great chances that could have taken us to extra time." 51%

"Another disappointing element was the early injury to Steven Davies, which definitely disrupted us.." 57% "..it's a tight hamstring, which we will assess over the next few days". 61%

"We will be looking now for a reaction at Scunthorpe at the weekend and it's important to learn and move on from tonight's performance as soon as possible.". 68% 71% 77% 79% 80% 81%! It's into mood indigo, and in dey go to get ready for the next match, the important one.

Remarkable these boffins, the equipment takes in silence on certain subjects, yet why did it stop there? How does a manager reach 100%? 105% Would he have scored so highly if he'd not known about the equipment? Surely no ranting means he's too soft - his dad yelled and hit out when things didn't go according to plan - does the XQ'sO allow for that? Or is it allowing for the subconscious, unstated thought that the League Cup doesn't matter? Needs more data.

Too late, time's up, and it's playing the music for the particular rainbow band: Mood Indigo, a cheerful little ditty, Ella Fitzgerald I believe. Turn the thing off, some-one. XQ'sO off button.

You ain't been blue; no, no, no.
You ain't been blue,
Till you've had that mood indigo.
That feelin' goes stealin' down to my shoes
While I sit and sigh, "Go 'long blues".

Always get that mood indigo,
Since my baby said goodbye.
In the evenin' when lights are low,
I'm so lonesome I could cry.

'Cause there's nobody who cares about me,
I'm just a soul who's
bluer than blue can be.
When I get that mood indigo,
I could lay me down and die.