It has, so far, been a frustrating season for Bayern Munich. Die Roten have been (strangely) quietly full-of-suck, managing only 5 points in 4 Bundesliga matches and stuck, ignominiously, in a tie for 8th place. It seems like no one, not even UEFA, wants us to have any fun.

OK, “full-of-suck” might be a bit harsh. It’s also not exactly true. Teams are coming in to the Allianz Arena (in various degrees) only playing for a point, not three. And while it is a sound coaching tactic for visiting teams, it leaves a lot to be desired in terms of Bayern’s fans and players enjoyment of a football match.

Taking a look at our last three matches at home, two statistics stand out: Time of possession and shots (on goal).

Bayern Munich - Werder Bremen: 59% / 41%. 15 (7) / 13 (3).

Out of the three matches, this is the most equal. Werder Bremen actually came out to play ball. Bremen managed to contain a far more aggressive Bayern side in the first half, and took their chances when they came. Both goalkeepers, Wiese and Butt, had good days between the sticks and this match ended, rightly, in a draw.

Bayern Munich - AS Roma: 74% / 26%. 23 (7) / 7 (2).

Claudio Ranieri’s decimated Rome squad threw themselves in front of their goal. Ultimately, we broke through an 11-man defense and scored two goals late in the second half. But I remember thinking, about 50 minutes in, “We could very easily lose this match 1-0”.

It seems they took a page out of the Inter Milan defensive strategy book, but lacked the quality in their offense to score on the fast breaks.

Bayern Munich - FC Cologne: 78% / 22%. 21 (4) / 8 (2).

A vastly superior Bayern Munich side slogged through 90 minutes of footie versus Soldo’s ultra-defensive Cologne- which bent, but did not break. Bo-ring. Watching this match from home was, in fact, the only joy I’ve had in not personally attending the Oktoberfest this year. Surely, I would have been at the match wishing I were in the Schottenhamel Festzelt instead.

Bayern Munich - UEFA: Banners / Slander.

Bayern’s faithful unfurled two Monty Python‘s “Life of Brian”-themed banners for the Champions League match against Rome. One stated “Romani ite domum”. Romans go home. This was thought to be a provocation by the governing board of UEFA, and the banner had to come down. However, the “Life of Bayern” banner stayed up.

If you were to ask any Munich native which nationality is disliked the most at the Oktoberfest? Ten out of ten will say, “Italians”. Meanwhile, Bayern Munich is suing two UEFA employees for libel… Hmmmmm. Something about throwing stones in glass houses?

But, seriously, what to do? Besides wishing, nay… hoping for the speedy return of Arjen Robben? It’s obvious we need to shake up the offense a bit. While Miroslav Klose is not having a poor season, too many chances are being wasted. Louis van Gaal placing him in the ten spot against Bremen was shown to be a poor decision, evidenced by the immediate spark of life Toni Kroos brought when he was subbed in for Miro.

Also, Ribery is shooting when he should be passing. We get it, Franck. We know you’re great on the dribble and can feint your way through 4 or 5 men. However, if they’re all covering you, this means… yeah, this means someone, or more than one person, is open. So, pass the damn ball, pretty please.

If I may humbly make a suggestion? Might we try Muller up top, with Kroos in the ten spot and Olic playing on the wing in Robben’s position? It can’t be any worse than nothing, which is basically what we’ve been doing up to this point.

At least we are playing Hoffenheim away today (and are currently down 1-0 while I’m writing this), which means they’ll be playing to win. I’m not sure whether this is a blessing or a curse, seeing how our match with Kaiserslautern ended. I’ll be hoping for the best. And three points.