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Posted by Jerrad Peters on 10/21/2009

I happen to know a guy whose nephew’s babysitter’s younger brother was hiding under the table at the Dnipropetrovsk restaurant when Emile Heskey caught the ire of England manager Fabio Capello for sending text messages during dinner. Here’s what the little guy saw.

Emile: YO C. SIMYC. ME? @ CHE? SLAP.

Carlo: SICNR. GG V CTY BTW. MIRL?

Emile: DEF. JST @ VIL USBCA. ABCO BY MON.

Carlo: LOL. WAJ. CID.

Emile: TIA. TBL.

Translation:

Emile: Hi Carlo. Sorry I missed your call. Me? At Chelsea? Sounds like a plan.

Carlo: Sorry, I could not resist. Good game against Manchester City by the way. Meet in real life?

Emile: Definitely. Just at Aston Villa until something better comes along. Already been chewed out by Martin O’Neill.

Carlo: Haha. What a jerk. Consider it done.

Emile: Thanks in advance. Text back later.

It was at this point that Capello dropped his food tray and tore a strip off the Aston Villa striker. The England manager has strict guidelines about mobile usage and requires his players to leave their phones in their hotel rooms during team meals. Heskey disobeyed the rule and found himself momentarily out of favor with the boss. It must be a familiar feeling for him at the moment. And for good reason.

Heskey put in a shambolic performance against Ukraine on October 10. It was so bad that some are now calling for him to be dropped from the starting 11 in place of, gulp, Carlton Cole. But his 72 minutes of anonymity came as no surprise to Aston Villa fans, who have watched the same agonizing routine on seven occasions so far this season.

That’s why there’s nothing resembling a grass roots mobilization to keep Heskey at the club. In 21 appearances in nine months of play, the 31-year-old has scored a paltry two goals. He hasn’t scored more than eight in a season since 2004/2005 and has tallied just twice for England since being recalled by Steve McLaren two years ago.

Of course, it’s not all about goals. On occasion, the big man is capable of holding up the ball and creating time and space for his teammates. That’s how he’s kept his England spot, and will probably be on the plane to South Africa. But his play for Villa has offered nothing of the sort. Whether paired with the diminutive Gabriel Agbonlahor or fellow giant John Carew, he has been completely ineffective and is the poster boy of Villa’s sudden downturn last February.

He’s got to go. He knows it, and he wants to.

Early last week, he was quoted as saying he might entertain offers from other clubs in order to preserve his place in the national team. He quickly backtracked, however, saying that persistent questioning from reporters had “confused” him a little.

Whatever the case, Martin O’Neill should be just as eager to rid himself of Heskey as he was to welcome him with open arms last winter. It just hasn’t worked out for either party, plain and simple. And while the £3.5 million transfer fee will probably not be recouped in full, at least the manager can sell him with the knowledge that he’ll be making a rival club, perhaps Chelsea, a good deal worse.

Twitter.com/peterssoccer

Jerrad Peters is the author of We Call it Soccer: Understanding the World’s Most Popular Sport, available in bookstores in April, 2010.

Comments

Posted by thomas pryce on 10/21/2009

please let this happen nice bloke but adds nothing to our side,
he is holding up a very good player in the fonz
who does know how to score goals,
so bye heskey good luck in the future and by the way england start scoring goals when he goes off so what really does he add to england ?

Posted by G Jones on 10/21/2009

Hes a decent player and usefull to have as backup the reason we bought him was beacuse we were short on strikers las season there is no way he will, take Gabby and Carew's place in the team up front unless they get injured thats his role in the team.

Posted by UNSWTOM on 10/21/2009

Disagree with comments here regarding Heskey. No wonder he doesn't perform in a Villa shirt if this is the kind of support he gets.
He is a good player and he is in the England squad for a reason. Capello is a world class coach so he probably knows something more than the ordinary fans. MON sees that too and likewise for me. In terms of getting others involved, he is better than Carew.

Posted by Bill 3 weeks, 1 day ago

C'mon..Heskey is supposed to be a World Class striker. He's truly not.If UNSWTOM hadn't noticed,when Villa acquired Haskey, MON changed the formation and Villa lost its' CL place.He can't hold the ball like Carew. He hustles, but isn't the speedy player he was 4 years ago.He truly can't shoot on goal, so he has to be a better playmaker because his talent skills have eroded.His character is not in question, nor is his team oriented play. But as a world class striker at this stage, compare him to JP Angel. Because Heskey is pretty much that player who was in serious decline at Villa. The acquisition of another striker would do wonders for AV in Jan.Perhaps when Heskey leaves, he can take Reo-Coker and Sidwell with him. Because if MON has to depend on the aforementioned three, the CL will be just another dream and perhaps Europa as well. MON has to make a striker priority in Jan.Downing, Delph and possibly Gardner will more than fill the MF.Sidwell is poor.Bad MON judgement acquiring him.

Posted by mark 3 weeks, 1 day ago

striker should score goals.
therefore, value should be Time played divided by goals scored.
try this formula against any other striker.

Then if you consider a midfielder should score some goals, give a midfielder, using the same formula, but times two (because they are midfielders, not strikers). work that out for some of the better premiership midfielders.

Defenders same formula, say times 15.

Then i reckon the natural position for emile should be goalkeeper, or ball boy.

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